When it comes to creating a strong nurturing culture of learning it is love and the power of gratitude that fast-tracks your family to feeling whole, fulfilled and an inner peace. I call this being Lights On and my philosophy and approach to learning is all about harnessing the harmonising force of love and gratitude to learn, create and grow with ease and flow. 

When you are Lights On, your energy is warm, welcoming and inspiring. People see it in your eyes and feel it in your presence. Your thought patterns are empowered. ‘I can do this. I have what it takes to keep going, no matter what.’ Emotions such as contentment, hope, happiness, love, joy, peace, and gratitude make you feel alive. Like you can do anything. You are more creative and energised when you are Lights On and have a rock-solid belief in yourself and a positive sense of wellbeing. You like who you are. In this mental, emotional and physical state of being you are fully in creation mode, expressing yourself clearly, feeling authentic and inspired to take action.

Tuning into love and gratitude affects our physical health, vitality and wellbeing. It is an energising life force that influences us at a cellular level, changes our mind and broadens our perception, according to Barbara Fredrickson’s scientific research on positive emotions. 

Lights On Learning has emotional growth designed in the approach through what Fredrickson refers to as a positivity resonance. For every negative experience we have, we want to make sure we have three positive ones. She calls this the positivity ratio of 3:1, and has discovered this is the tipping point for humans to flourish. 

It is common-sense to want our children to love learning. Why would we not? When they do we can see it is healthier for them. Mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually, they benefit. As a natural thinker, myself, learning how to tune into gratitude, to develop a calmer and more compassionate inner strength, didn’t come easy to me. I didn’t get how to ‘open my heart to gratitude’ as I was all in my head. I understood gratitude purely as an intellectual exercise, writing in my journal each day three things I was grateful for in my life, within my family or the world around me. It made sense, so I did it, but it felt like just another thing on my ever-expanding, daily, personal growth checklist.

Daily gratitude practice – ✓

I knew I was missing the point. There had to be more to it, which is when I discovered how to embody gratitude. To think it, feel it and be immersed in it.

Shining bright – ✓

When I am tuned into the power of love and gratitude together, it is impossible for negative thinking to get a look in. What I call Lights Off thoughts. 

Being Lights Off is a reactive state. Your thoughts limit and diminish your power. ‘I can’t do this. It’s too hard. I’ll never be successful, so why bother? I might as well give up now.’ Everything feels hard, pointless, forced and challenging. Parents have described it as walking through treacle, and they feel insecure, anxious and under threat in some way.

Being Lights Off can be a sad, fearful and lonely place because you carry around an energetic heaviness that leaves others feeling deflated, too. Your negative thoughts lead you deep into the darkest recesses of your mind where you feel there is something deeply wrong with you. No matter what you do, nothing makes a difference. You’ll never achieve anything, let alone your dreams, so you don’t take action. You procrastinate, and step into overwhelm and get busy with distractions. You become tired, disconnected from the world around you, more inward-focused, narrow-minded and self-absorbed. You may also feel a lot of shame, embarrassment or humiliation, which leads you to feel socially isolated, and dims your light even more. If you are Lights Off for too long, your mental, emotional and physical health will, of course, suffer.

It is love and gratitude that counteract our inbuilt negativity bias and lead us to become more Lights On on a daily basis. 

Lights On Activation

Think of a memory where you felt an overwhelming sense of love, joy and peace. Where everything felt it was exactly how life should be for you, in that micro-moment. A memory where you were fully present experiencing life, with no need for it to be different. It could be a memory from when you were a child, or maybe it is as simple as a beautiful sunset. Or it might be seeing your child lit up and immersed in the moment, with a smile on their face. Something that instantly makes you aware of being present to the internal experience of feeling the emotions of love and gratitude that your memories stir in your body.

Take three deep, slow breaths to spread a warm glow from your heart outwards and allow your smile from within to become a gentle smile on your face. Stay immersed in this whole-body experience, basking in love and gratitude for as long as feels natural.

Take a deep breath and turn that dial right up to amplify your gratitude to another level. Hold it for as long as feels comfortable, keeping your awareness on your breath, your heart and the present moment of feeling Lights On. 

How did you get on? The more you practice this the easier it becomes until one day you realise you are living through the resonance of gratitude which feels abundant, rich and fulfilled.

About Julia Black

Julia is a mother to two young adults and creator of Lights On, a global community for parents who want to bring the latest thinking from neuroscience, positive psychology and passion-led learning into their homes. Her vision is of a world where all children love learning, and parents are the key to that future. In addition to this, Julia is also a BAFTA and Grierson nominated documentary director, educationalist, Master Neurocoach and author of Lights On Learning, a transformative guide to understanding what makes every child “lights on” so they are ready to learn. Here she shares how the power of gratitude can help families flourish.