Whether it is your first child or your twenty-first child, whether you are a birth mother,
a father, a foster parent, an adoptive parent, or a step parent, it is one of the craziest
rides we will ever go on, right?!
Now, we are fortunate to live in a time where we have some amazing resources
available at the touch of a button or a swipe of a screen—doulas, hypnobirthing
classes, lactation consultants, sleep consultants, countless platforms (can’t forget
good old social media!), and advice on how to navigate this parenting journey!
Or… does all of this available and often conflicting information actually become
overwhelming, leaving you all tied up in knots as to how to be the best parent you
possibly can?
If you are with me… keep reading! I’ve got you!
When my son was born in 2017, I suffered from postpartum depression and anxiety.
This was not my first rodeo with regard to mental health challenges, but it was the
catalyst to getting on top of my mental and physical health. All that I have learned
and implemented since then now provides the foundations of my day-to-day
wellbeing.
SIMPLE because navigating a new arrival and the dynamics of day-to-day life does
not always lend well to complex, lengthy, or expensive care plans or retreats in the
Maldives (although that would help a little, right?).
SUSTAINABLE because we all know that committing and overextending our intentions
(think New Year’s resolutions, cabbage soup diets, and gym sessions five days a week,
never allowing a bit of chocolate to pass our lips again!) often results in
disappointment when we do not maintain our wonderful plans and goals!
SELF-CARE because this all starts with YOU! Yes, I know you have a wee one to look
after, but like the pilot says on the flight, “you must put your oxygen mask on first.”
The heart of all of this is the concept that we each have Six Human Needs which are:
● Certainty: The assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure.
● Variety: The need for the unknown, new stimulus.
● Significance: Feeling unique, important, special, or needed.
● Love and Connection: Closeness or union with someone or something.
● Growth: Expansion of capacity, capability, or understanding.
● Contribution: A sense of service and focus giving to and supporting others.
By understanding this concept and identifying what your Driving (main) Human Need
is (there is a cool quiz to help you do so in the online course Stepping Into
Parenthood), you can then implement daily habits best suited to you and your family.
For example:
We have a meal plan and schedule on our fridge that we prepare on a Saturday or
Sunday to help the week go smoothly and to avoid that annoying daily conversation
of “What do you want for dinner?” Seriously, how much time have we all spent with the
“I don’t know, babe, what do you fancy?” ‘I don’t know, you decide?” Resulting in getting
hangry as no one makes a decision, only to order pizza again!
By having an idea in advance, it clears some brain space, reduces overspending on
food that goes to waste, holds you accountable for eating a little healthier, and helps
with the budget as you do not waste so many dollar bucks!
Having a schedule helps us manage our time more effectively, and while we put daily
commitments and appointments on there, it also gives us the opportunity to write our
intentions for our own Self-Care. As parents, we are always advised to prioritize date
nights and time together as a couple (not disputing that), but it is also important to
prioritize time for what gives you a little recharge. We each like to go and grab a bite
to eat and a movie… alone! Just an idea!
These small weekly habits meet our Human Need for Certainty.
Some ideas for meeting the other Human Needs could be:
● Variety: Exploring new places (go for a walk in a different area) with your little
one(s) or meeting new social groups.
● Significance: Exploring the Five Love Languages to help you acknowledge
each other’s contributions in a way that helps both of you feel valued.
● Love and Connection: Make sure you talk to family and friends. Time can
seem to fly by when looking after children, but being intentional with
communications—whether in person, through video calls, or even setting up
a WhatsApp group—can help you feel less isolated.
● Growth: As we immerse ourselves into being a parent, we can often forget
about our own growth. Working, studying, reading, listening to podcasts…
anything that engages your own brain is important to meet this need.
● Contribution: By raising a human being, you pretty much have this one
covered, but if you still feel that itch needs scratching, perhaps you could
volunteer to help someone using your own skill set.
These are simple ideas, and this list is by no means exhaustive!
By cultivating a lifestyle where each member of the household identifies and meets
their Human Needs, you will find the impact on your parenting, your relationships,
your mood, your clarity, and your mental and physical wellbeing to be pretty cool!
It is a bit like a jigsaw—a combination of lots of small pieces that, when put together,
can create a beautiful end result.
Of course, you will have to revisit this from time to time. As your child grows and
changes, so do your routines and habits.
This concept is not meant to remove the challenging times as a parent, as that is not
realistic. The power it carries is the ability to navigate those challenging times with a
little more understanding of how to best support yourself during these periods.
Oh, and one more thing…
You are doing better than you think!
Author Bio
I’m Nikki, a Scottish lassie married to an American guy, with a Montenegrin rescue dog and a
wee boy with a huge personality.
My journey to becoming a coach, speaker, and course creator has been a
rollercoaster of highs and lows, relocations, postpartum depression, running my own
businesses, and navigating the challenges faced with this transient lifestyle.
Becoming a mum was my catalyst for change, and it is my passion and purpose to
share all I have learned with you.
