potty training

Recent headlines about school nappy policies are making many parents feel increased pressure about potty training. This pressure doesn’t just affect parents, it directly impacts our children’s toileting journey. When we’re stressed about deadlines or milestones, our little ones pick up on that anxiety, often making the whole process more challenging.

Here are 5 Pressure-free ways to make potty training easier for our little ones from a toileting expert.

1. The Power of Choice (Not Questions)

Here’s a game-changing tip- stop asking if your child needs the toilet. Why? Because toddlers’ favourite word is “no”. Instead, offer fun choices that put them in control.

“Should we go to the toilet with our eyes open or closed?” (They often love the silly adventure of walking with eyes shut.)

“Which toy gets to come with us—Mr. Dinosaur or your racing car?”

“Who goes first—Mummy or Chloe?

“Toilet time in one minute or five minutes?” (Set a timer, children often respond better to it than to Mum’s voice.)

By offering choices, you’re giving your child a sense of control, making them more likely to cooperate with less pressure.

2. Turn it into an adventure.

Toddlers have 50% more nerve connections than adults. Their brains are wired for exploration and play, not using a boring toilet. So why not make toilet training part of their daily adventure?

One favourite activity is the “Great Underwear Hunt.” Grab some toilet roll tubes, transform them into “special binoculars,” and go searching for fun underwear around the house before you say goodbye to nappies. This simple game gets children excited about leaving nappies behind and embracing their underwear status. (I don’t call it big girl/boy underwear as many children can see this as pressure.)

3. Engage the Senses

Make the bathroom a sensory playground. 

Play the “listening game”—”Can you hear the water running?”

“Is mummy doing a little wee or a big wee?”

Explore wet versus dry hands during washing as this teaches vital awareness of these sensations.

Create a “special soap station” with fun-smelling soaps (foam soaps can be a big hit with some children.).

By engaging their senses, you’re making the bathroom a fun and inviting place, reducing any anxiety they might have. We are not putting the focus on wee and poo as this causes pressure.

4. The secret weapon is good hydration.

Here’s something many parents don’t realise; the bladder is like a muscle that needs exercise through regular filling and emptying. If your child isn’t drinking enough, potty training becomes much harder.

Make hydration fun. Have “cheers” moments with water cups.

Serve water-rich foods like watermelon and cucumber. You could create silly drinking games or use special cups. Good hydration ensures that your child’s bladder gets the exercise it needs, making them more aware of their body’s signals.

5. Ooze confidence as this is contagious.

The most powerful trick? A parents attitude. Children are incredible at picking up on our emotions, so when you’re confident, they feel secure. This journey will teach you both so much about patience, handling success and setbacks, and working together.

If parents can shift their mindset by instead of viewing potty training as a race to having to meet external deadlines, think of it as a natural developmental journey. Moving from control to support.

Consider this powerful shift in language:

Instead of: “Why won’t you use the toilet?”

Try: “You don’t do your wees and poos on the toilet yet.”

That simple word “yet” makes all the difference. It tells your child that progress is expected but on their timeline. It reinforces a growth mindset, fostering confidence while reducing anxiety. When children feel safe and understood, rather than pressured, they’re more likely to develop toileting independence naturally.

Remember, every child is unique, and what works for one might not work for another. These tricks are your toolbox, pick and choose what resonates with your little one, and don’t be afraid to get creative.

A final note on pressure and why pressure doesn’t work.

By creating a supportive, pressure-free environment and using these five methods, you’re setting the stage for success, on your child’s timeline. When we remove the pressure and focus on support rather than control, something magical happens our children feel empowered to progress at their own pace, leading to long-term success and positive associations with toileting.

The recent debate surrounding school policies, particularly in Wales, has led to a rise in judgmental attitudes towards potty training. Statements like, “Parents are just lazy.”

“They should have trained their child already.” “It’s poor parenting.”

These harsh criticisms fail to recognise the complexities of child development. The truth is, there are many reasons why a child might not yet be fully toilet trained, here are a few.

Individual developmental pace – Some children simply take longer to be ready.

Family circumstances – big life changes, moving house or the arrival of a new sibling, can all affect progress.

Pandemic impact – Many children missed key developmental experiences due to lockdowns and disruptions.

Anxiety & fear – Some children develop fears around using the toilet, often due to previous negative experiences.

Resistance to change – A strong-willed toddler might just prefer their nappy. We need to work with a child’s unique temperament.

Sensory processing issues – Some children struggle with the sensations of toileting, from the feel of underwear to the sound of flushing.

Developmental setbacks – Children may start withholding wees and poos, which can lead to constipation and discomfort. (I have supported many children with these issues.)

What we need instead.

Instead of judgment and unrealistic expectations, we need kindness and understanding. We need, recognition that every child develops at their own pace with confidence. Flexible, play-based solutions rather than rigid rules. Support for families and patience with the process, not shame. 

The Department for Education (DfE) recently updated their toilet training guidance, on 29th January 2025 and it states,

“Every child’s development is unique. Some children can be toilet trained earlier and faster than others. It is important to support children to learn at their own pace.” You can read the full article here.

This approach aligns with what we know works best, a child-led, pressure-free method that respects their individual development.

In my 40 years of working with children and parents, one thing remains very true, rushing the potty-training process due to external pressures rarely leads to success. When parents feel pressured, they unknowingly transfer that stress to their child, often resulting in resistance, setbacks, and unnecessary struggles. We can’t make a child wee or poo, it’s their body, and they are in control of it. The best thing we can do is provide a supportive, relaxed environment where they feel safe, confident, and encouraged to develop at their own pace.

So, as you embark on this journey with your little one, remember, there’s no rush, no deadline, and no “right” way, only the way that works for your child. And that’s the only thing that truly matters.

About the Author Sue Welby.

Sue is the founder of Littlelifesteps, a parenting expert who has supported countless families in navigating their potty-training journey with confidence and ease. She specialises in pressure-free, child-led approaches that help children grow into their best selves, turning toileting into a positive, stress-free experience.