Is Your Teen Always Putting Themselves Down? Do you wish they could see themselves how you see them? If so then follow these top tips by Susie Majevadia, teen life coach and therapist, and help your teenage improve their self esteem.
Do you hear your teen constantly comparing themselves to others—“I’m not as smart as…,” “not as popular as…,” “not as good as….”? Teens are renowned for talking negatively about themselves. Unfortunately negative self talk is proven to decrease self-esteem. increase anxiety, depression, and sadness and it has also been linked to an increased risk of mental health problems, which is why we need to reduce it as much as possible.
As a parent this can be frustrating as you see how amazing your teen is, but they just can’t see it themselves. All they focus on are their flaws and negative points: “I’m bad at maths,” “I’m rubbish at sport,” “I’m not popular.” This negative self talk may also be twinned with becoming more withdrawn—barely talking to you, responding with grunts, slamming doors, or constantly arguing with you.
If this sounds familiar then these steps will help you help them.
1. Build Awareness
The first step in helping your teenager improve their self esteem is helping them to notice how they talk to themselves. Get them to become aware and more conscious of what they are saying; it may take a few days or a few weeks but once they start noticing what they are saying to themselves the more it becomes a habit. As soon as they notice they are saying something negative about themselves get them to shout STOP! or NO! This simple act interrupts the thought pattern and they can then change the thought to a more positive statement or change the thought to something completely different.
Another good technique is to get them to imagine a cartoon character or a character from their favourite show saying that negative thing in their voice. The negative words then don’t seem so intense and powerful.
You can also ask: Would you talk to your best friend like that? If not, why is it okay to talk to yourself like that?
2. Challenge Negative Beliefs
Get your teen to write down 3 negative things about themselves.
Then get them to question that thought– is it actually true?
- “I’m fat” — Really? Are you certain, can you prove that?
- “I’m unpopular” — Do you have friends? Then you’re not unpopular.
- “I’m rubbish at sport” — Have you tried all sports? Maybe there is one that you will love and be good at.
Then once they have questioned that belief get them to write down the opposite
- “I’m fat” becomes “I look good.”
- “I’m unpopular” becomes “I have people who like me.”
- “I’m rubbish at sport” becomes “I enjoy swimming.”
Get them to write the positive statement down on a post it note and they can stick them on their desk or wall at home and then they will see the positive words daily. Your clever mind learns by repetition and if you see something enough times and repeat it enough times it will become second nature and they will start to believe it!
If they are struggling to come up with positive things then get them to look at this list of 50 positive affirmations for teenagers.
3. Practice Self-Gratitude
Gratitude is proven to boost your mood and is good for your mental health. It is so easy to be grateful for things in your life; your cat, your best friend, that concert you are off to next week.
However, it is not so easy to be grateful about yourself. Get your teen to say three things daily that they are grateful for about THEMSELVES. It might be hard at first but the more they practice, the more they will become used to it and then it will just become a habit of them appreciating and celebrating themselves!
Working with your teenagers in this way on a regular basis will help them to change their mindset from negative to positive, it will encourage them to see the best in themselves and will gradually start to improve their self esteem.