As a parenting coach, former specialist Early Years teacher, and psychology graduate, I work with families across the world. Increasingly, the parents I support describe feeling overwhelmed, conflicted, and paralysed by uncertainty when it comes to children and screen time. Despite a growing volume of guidance, many feel they are constantly “getting it wrong”.
I welcome clearer advice for parents, many tell me they crave it. Uncertainty is exhausting, and decision fatigue is real. However, from both a child development and mental health perspective, I believe the screen time conversation urgently needs more nuance than simple hours per day limits. In my clinical and coaching work, I see daily how blanket rules can unintentionally increase parental guilt, fuel conflict, and create power struggles at home, often without improving outcomes for children.
What parents need are principles they can adapt to real life, not rigid rules that ignore context.
1. Parents Need Principles, Not Rigid Rules
One of the most important distinctions often missing from public guidance is that not all screen time is developmentally equal. Research consistently shows that the impact of screens depends on how, why, and with whom they are used, rather than duration alone.
Parents benefit far more from guidance that helps them assess factors such as the type of content, for example fast paced versus narrative, passive versus imaginative; the device being used, such as television versus tablet versus phone; and whether the child is watching alone or with an adult.
For example, a two hour family film watched together on a television can support connection, shared attention, conversation, emotional literacy, and rest. Studies on co viewing show that shared media experiences can support language development and comprehension, particularly when adults talk with children about what they are watching. Families often discuss characters afterwards or return to shared references later, which deepens learning and emotional understanding.
This experience is developmentally very different from two hours of short form, algorithm driven content watched alone on a handheld device. Research by paediatricians and developmental psychologists has linked fast paced, highly stimulating content, especially when consumed solo, with increased dysregulation, reduced sustained attention, and greater difficulty with transitions in young children.
When guidance collapses these experiences into the same category of “screen time”, parents lose the ability to make informed, flexible decisions and often default to guilt instead.
2. Educational Screens Still Require Thoughtful Use
Screens are often justified based on being educational, and it is important to acknowledge that technology can absolutely host valuable learning opportunities. Educational programmes, documentaries, audiobooks, and high-quality digital learning platforms can expose children to information, stories, and experiences they might not otherwise access.
However, research in early childhood development suggests that learning is most effective when it is active, embodied, and relational. Again, the way information is consumed matters.
Parents benefit from asking not only what their child is learning, but how they are learning it. Is technology necessary to achieve the goal, or simply the most convenient option? For example, if the aim is to support early reading, there is a meaningful developmental difference between reading a physical book and reading the same text on a screen. Studies have found that young children demonstrate better comprehension, recall, and engagement when reading physical books, partly due to sensory feedback, spatial cues, and reduced cognitive load.
Holding a book, turning pages, tracking text with a finger, and feeling the physical structure of the story all support memory, attention, and fine motor development in ways that screens cannot fully replicate. Similarly, watching an educational video passively is very different from engaging in learning through conversation, shared reading, or hands on exploration with an adult.
This does not mean screens should never be used for learning, but rather that parents deserve support in deciding when technology genuinely adds value and when it may be unnecessary.
3. Parental Overwhelm Is a Missing Piece of the Conversation
Another critical gap in the screen time debate is the failure to adequately acknowledge parental nervous system load.
Many of the parents I work with are exhausted, touched out, emotionally depleted, and juggling work, caregiving, and household responsibilities with very little support. Research into parental stress and self-regulation shows that when adults are overwhelmed, their capacity for consistent boundaries and emotional co regulation is significantly reduced.
For some families, screens are not a luxury; they are the only opportunity for rest, regulation, or completing essential tasks.
What often follows is a familiar cycle. Screens become a tool for regulation for both child and parent; children struggle when screens end; meltdowns, shouting, or physical behaviour escalate; parents feel overwhelmed or guilty; screens are reintroduced to restore calm.
Without acknowledging the chronic stress many parents are under, screen guidance risks feeling unrealistic or shaming. Paradoxically, this can increase reliance on screens, because shame reduces a parent’s capacity to reflect, experiment, and seek support.
4. We Should Invest More in Showing Parents What to Do Instead
Parents frequently tell me they want to connect more with their children. They want to read, play, talk, and be present, but they do not know where to start, especially when tired or emotionally stretched.
Research in early language development and attachment consistently shows that small, responsive interactions have a powerful cumulative effect. Parents do not need long periods of intensive play to support development.
Simple, low effort tools make a real difference, such as shared reading or listening to stories together; using conversational prompts like “Ooh, what do you think is happening here?”, “I wonder what they might do next?”, or “Can you tell me about that?”; and prioritising brief moments of shared attention over idealised notions of perfect play.
These micro moments support language development, emotional regulation, and secure relationships. They are accessible, realistic, and protective, particularly for families under pressure.
Towards More Realistic, Compassionate Guidance
Screen time is not just a parenting issue; it is a societal one. Families are raising children in a world with fewer support networks, higher demands, and unprecedented digital saturation.
If we truly want to improve outcomes for children, we must support parents with realistic, compassionate, developmentally informed guidance rather than fear based messaging or oversimplified rules.
When parents are trusted with principles, supported in their own regulation, and shown practical ways to connect, they are far more likely to make thoughtful, flexible decisions around screens and far less likely to feel they are failing their children.
About the author
Olivia Edwards; The Positive Parent Coach
Olivia Edwards, The Positive Parent Coach, is a parenting coach, former specialist Early Years teacher, and psychology graduate who works with families globally. Regularly featured on the BBC, she supports parents of strong-willed children with big emotions, helping families navigate emotional meltdowns, boundary resistance, and repeated behaviours through collaborative solutions that strengthen relationships and build essential life skills, without relying on bribes, threats, or punishments.